SunWe I Vant to Suck Your HUH?

It’s Not Easy Being MeImage

Yeah, I’m a vampire.

A two-century old one, too.
Don’t be getting all creeped out, after all, most of you know me, right?

No, I don’t “vant to suck” anything; that’s my brother, we’re twins.
Fraternal twins, which might explain some of it.
Or not.

Did you know that Mr. Oz guy, isn’t a doc, but he’s a bad vampire?
Betcha didn’t.
He bought that doc certificate on the internet, for pretty cheap. Don’t be fooled.

His twin, me, is a good one, so I oughta know.

I’m Jenny. He’s Jerry, no matter what name he goes by, that’s his name.
I sure wish we weren’t related, but you just can’t pick your relatives.
Shame, that.

The vampires I know are all able to go out in the day, but are stronger at night,
so that would be the time to watch out for them.

That pale nonsense is just not true, I am not pale.
I have a sun tan and so do a lot of vampires, both good and bad.
Whoever made that one up, was a story teller.

People who are alive can be pretty stupid, sometimes.


There were quite a few that had chosen that path, the good.
But, there were just as many that chose the other way.

Think about it, if you believe in good, wouldn’t you also have to believe in evil?

All the good vampires are armed with crosses ’round their necks, water pistols filled with holy water
and with lots wooden stakes – in case.
The newer ones, would turn to dust with a good squirt of holy water, but the older;
more experienced ones, always needed the stake, too.
And they healed all too quickly, like me.
But, like some others, I’ve been a vampire for over two centuries, so it’s understandable.

Besides, nothing new really lasts well, anymore.

“Good” vampires weren’t affected by holy water or crosses – we wear them, too.
Holy water burns the bad ones.
Crosses repelled them, so I wear about fifteen, at last count.

I love my jewelry.

I also wear medallions of Buddha, and other religious neck-chains, star of David, more…
What if whoever you’re going after isn’t a christian?

Besides, I really love my jewelry.

Huh? Think about that!

Not everyone who is bitten, becomes a vampire.
If the blood isn’t totally gone, (they have to actually die) but they are “tainted”, and can be healed.
Even some of the cops in the area that aren’t vampires, believe.
They also carry holy water, stakes and wore crosses – why take a chance?

Cities seemed to be where they were more concentrated.
This year, it was New York (where else?), the city that never sleeps.
Yeah, think about it.
There’s lots of homeless, and even more blood banks to drain.
Rats would do in a pinch.
They wouldn’t become vampires, because they were rats, y’know.

With so many buildings being town down to make room for skyscrapers, stakes were easy to get, without arousing suspicion.
Pieces of any-old-wood could be sharpened into stakes.
That’s another myth; that the wood has to be some special wood, when any old wood will do.

Shoot, vinyl siding works, it’s just that it hadn’t been invented when this stuff was made up.

The newer ones, heck all of ’em, can turn into bats.
But, the newer bad vampires, will turn to dust with a squirt of a water pistol of holy water.
Smack ’em with some religious jewelry and they’re toast.
The older ones needed the stake.
You never knew which one you’d run into.

I can’t say this enough – be prepared!

Silver bullets, mirrors and the like are myths.
Garlic isn’t the thing to carry, (you’ll stink) but it was good to drape in chains throughout a home, as is sage, for protection.
I also use sweet grass braids; it’s the Indian in me.

I go out by day to get the “easy” ones and by night to get the hard core.
One side or the other will win and even though I’m a gal, I’m the leader of the good side
My twin brother, Oz, is the leader of the bad, which makes it harder.
It’s rough to hypnotize someone that’s almost just like you.
Or used to be.

Told ya I knew stuff. Or he does. Whatever. Tips for the uneducated.

One side “only” would win and I’ll leave it to you to figure out which side it was, but ask yourself this:

Have we ever gotten rid of evil? Are there still more good? There’s your answer.

Hint: I believe in good.

Copyright M. Nicholson 2014

Image is mine, full moon on the unused rail tracks nearby.


About katlnhat

I like to write, so I'm here.
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5 Responses to SunWe I Vant to Suck Your HUH?

  1. maadmaax says:

    This is exactly what I was hoping to read. As writers we set the rules for our “world” and then build the story around those rules. You did just that — and broke many of the old rules along the way. Precisely what I wanted to read.

  2. pambrittain says:

    Good thing you mentioned the image—great picture. I was so caught up reading this, I forgot all about it.

    I believe in good too. 🙂

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